Back to December: Unwrapping the good, bad, and thoughtless exchange gift memories

It's the season of Christmas and year-End parties, a season of giving gifts and exchanging cards- Oh how exciting isn't it? Opening the gifts and anticipating what it could be. Personally, while these are warm moments, I have a bit of trauma when there are Christmas Parties that involve random exchange gifts or exchange gifts in general wherein no wish lists are taken into consideration because I had really bad experiences on those and I don't want it to happen again or even remember what I felt like.

So far over the years, exchanging gifts at work were fun and joyful as most of the gifts given and received were well thought of. At work, leaders and/or members of the team give out these cute trinkets or edibles. As for exchange gifts, so far and for fairness' sake, we stick to having a wish list. 

With our recent Christmas party event for our random exchange gifts, we were asked to bring something orange or yellow and useful. As for me, I got 2 packs of digestives from Marks & Spencer. I was completely okay with it since it was Marks & Spencer and least I got something instead of nothing. Until someone saw what I got even made a remark on why didn't that person chose the chocolate covered ones and really opted for plain. 

The remark made a slight twinge in my stomach. What did that mean? Were these a thoughtless gift? Did I receive something lousy? 

I brushed it off since it could have taken them quite some time to think on what to buy that's something orange or yellow and useful. Not to mention that since we're towards year-end, there are tons of work-related activities for our function to complete first. And who would have the time to really think over these trivial matters?

Until sometime after the event, I passed by a TikTok video wherein the person was very proud and arrogant in sharing to everyone online that she'll just simply give you Marks & Spencer plain biscuits regardless of what the required gifts to bring or if there was a wish list because they don't want to think through it.

I couldn't help but wonder, was the one who brought the gift I got felt the same way as this content creator? Why was I overthinking this? Then my unpleasant feelings and memories of exchange gifts flashed back.

It all started back when I was in my 2nd year of Kindergarten...

My teacher decided to just make us bring gifts and make a draw lots on who gets what instead of the usual Secret Santa. With all excitement, I brought this cute battery-operated fishing toy for whoever will have it. And I was looking forward to what my gift would be.

When it was my turn to receive the gift and opened it, it was A PITCHER AND GLASS SET (from Tupperware though). To my disappointment, I threw the pitcher to the kid who brought that gift, I cried (more like tantrums LOL), and ran all the way to the main highway road- My mom and my teacher had to chase me so I won't get bumped by a car or a truck. 

My mom then confronted my classmate's mother as to why they chose a pitcher and a glass set when the exchange gift is for the kids not the parents. To make me feel better, they bought me a doll in a nearby market. 

It then on started my anxiety when receiving gifts on these occasions for some reason. Years went by and so far, that similar incident didn't happen again until I was in my 5th grade. 

I didn't knew the one who picked my name was this classmate and WAS my crush. During the exchange gift, I was the only one who haven't gotten anything though. I would have considered it if he was absent due to sickness but NO. 

He was just there and there wasn't even an explanation as to why he didn't have anything for me while everyone else had one. I was extremely embarrassed that I wanted to just melt and escape the classroom on a whim if only I could. 

Was it because I liked him that time? Was I that unlikeable to a point where I didn't deserve to get even a simple gift? Then on, I never talked to that person again not even on a civil or casual basis. It crushed my self-esteem big time and I carried it with me until adulthood. 

And after more than 2 DECADES, that's equivalent 20 plus years, when we started talking again online where he explained to me how he forgot his gift and it is still there at his home. He also explained that he was embarrassed of the gift he bought for me before since he realized there was a misspelling of a word. If only back then he could have explained this to me, it could have changed everything.

At least there was closure on that but the 20+ years of questioning my entire self and low self-esteem is something that I'm currently working on. 

So what's my point really? To rant out because of getting a gift that I don’t like? No- my point is that it does not hurt to be more thoughtful on what you can give may it be simple. Simple thoughtfulness can go a long way to someone. It's just a little thing or gesture but we may not know what impact it could have to someone.

This Christmas season, may we all give with our thoughts and hearts as it is what the spirit of the occasion is about. Happy Holidays! 

Photo by Karolina Grabowska: https://www.pexels.com/photo/people-exchanging-christmas-presents-5979115/